I’m Not Blockbuster!
BECAUSE CHEAP PEOPLE SUCK
I'm a DVD collector. It's one of the few guilty pleasures I have in life and have put countless hours and a whole lot of money into building the library of movies that are in my home. For some reason, some of you seem to think that I'm a free Blockbuster. Well, my answer to that is "No you cheap bastard, you can't borrow a movie or four."
That's why they have rental stores in every shopping center in America.
Nothing irritates me more than having people over for dinner and/or a movie and before they leave, hearing "You have so many movies! I know where I'm coming when I want to get movies… you're better than Blockbuster!" Um.. No, I'm not. You see, Blockbuster will let you walk out the door with a bag full of movies. I won't and you might get hit in the back of head with a brick if you try. Blockbuster also charges you to rent movies and have them back in a predetermined time frame. People who borrow from other people don't have that time limitation in their head because there are no late fees involved. Well, when I got started in all of this I used to begrudgingly let people borrow my movies. After having to chase people down to get my movies back or having come back scratched, broken or the covers ripped or covered in some food like substance, I had enough and said never again. The simple truth is that people who don't collect or buy movies have little respect for the condition they're returned in. That's bullshit and if I have to come looking for you to get my stuff back, you're definitely banned forever.
Once upon a time, I had a movie called John Carpenter's Prince of Darkness. This is without a doubt my all time favorite horror movie. It's one of the very few films that scares the crap out of me and to this day, the ending still troubles me. It's "out of print". For those who love to borrow movies and aren't collectors, OOP means "You're gonna pay through the ass to get this movie because it's not in stores anymore and we know you really want it". Following that link above, you see how much they want for my movie that cost me $15 when I bought it new. You can also understand why I am so pissed that I don't have it anymore because that's a lot of coin to replace SOMETHING I ALREADY OWNED. That movie was lent out against my better judgment and the person I am no longer friends with managed to leave it soaking in a pool of beer (case and all) at his Halloween party. When I showed up to get it, I found it still in the beer and the response I got was "dude, it's just a movie. Calm down." While you shouldn't go around indiscriminately smacking people, there are exceptions to this rule. Remember that.
This happened twice with movies I really liked and I don't buy movies I don't want to keep. I don't believe in three strikes and you're out. Twice is enough so whenever you come over after watching a great movie in my home, dazzled by the home theater in my movie room, just enjoy the movie we watched, crack a brew open and have some pizza, but DO NOT ask to borrow a movie. The answer is hell no. There is no point in ruining a perfectly good friendship because you are too cheap to pay $3 bucks to rent it from Blockbuster. If you're too cheap to pay $3, I know you're too cheap to pay the $20 it will cost to replace it once you scratch it or damage it. I know a lot of dvd collectors out there feel my pain and if you can't find the words to stave off the hoards of mooching friends and family, send them to this page and let me do the talking for you. I have no problem pissing off people face to face. Doing it on the net is cake.
If you were sent this link by a friend of yours and you like to borrow movies, this is your official notice that your freeloading ass is cut off. Get a job, slacker. Go buy or rent your own movies. If he or she had to pay to have the right to watch the film and so should you unless they invited you over on movie night to chill out, hang with friends and enjoy a good DVD. Stop asking for shit because we hate it. If you keep asking we will hate you. Yes, the collection is worth more to us than you are. Time has shown us that people are easier to replace than out of print DVDs.
So for the mouth breathers out there who didn't understand what this tirade was about, print out the graphic below, paste it by your phone and look at it before you call us to ask if you can borrow some DVDs because of the upcoming blizzard:
THE FOLLOWING FEATURE HAS BEEN RATED
BY THE OWNER OF THE DVD
Before you ask, the answer is no. It always will be. We didn't buy it for you or your kids to destroy. Blockbuster guarantees that your movie will be in stock and we all know that a late fee is much better than a kick in the ass when the movies don't come back on time. The best place for you to get a movie if you really want to see it is here. If you are just too lazy to even go out of the house, try Netflix. Movie night is Wednesday, so bring your popcorn and leave the silly questions at home.
Well, after years and years of ulcer building angst over my Prince of Darkness DVD, I was able to replace it thanks to the help of a friend of mine who lives on Ebay. For a mere $13.99, I was able to get a Region 0 copy of this incredible DVD. I've watched it five times since it arrived and it's so good to have it back in my collection. I'm not even annoyed that my replacement copy has some Korean writing on the spine and cover. There were a couple, how would you say… purists, at my favorite DVD forum who sent me private messages questioning whether or not it was a bootleg and wouldn't I be happier with a Region 1 DVD (you know, the ones that people are charging over 80 fucking dollars for). Um.. no. That's your inner conflicts talking, not mine. If it's really that important to you that I have a Region 1 copy in my collection, pick one up and send it to me. I have a birthday coming up and that would make a swell gift! We both know you won't, so get over it.
I also changed up how I feel about lending DVDs. I will lend out ones I think people will like, but only if they are serious collectors themselves. That way, we see eye to eye on the condition and timeliness that my flicks are returned, but alas, if you want to see John Carpenter's The Prince of Darkness or any of my hard-to-replace or out-of-print movies, you'll be sitting on my sofa in my place watching them. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, now I have to hit you with a brick.
Batmite1's Blog 